so I made myself an iced coffee and thought

[femme41]

I've been sitting still, for hours on end for the last few weeks, struggling with my latest book. In the mornings I work out, or go for a walk to a cafe where I sit still and struggle at something that seems ungraspable. For the last two days I have been in my house, due to the cold/rain outside and my whiney southern Ontario disposition and inability to purchase proper footwear, and alternate between reading books that I think might help me, and reading the internet which sometimes helps but mostly hinders. I have a new iPhone, which also does not help me.

Every time I begin a new project, even if it's the beginning of a new phase of a current project, like say, THE SECOND DRAFT THAT MAKES NO SENSE phase, I forget that there is this moment where the entire progress of the book relies on these days of sitting still, doing what seems like nothing at all. For every five minutes of inward cursing and self-esteem battling, there are moments of revelation or deep thoughts about my character's motivations or their interior lives. It's the moment that goes beyond the Hey I Have This Neat Idea for as Story, and forces you to look at the deep guts of that story and how to tell it and why to tell it, and forces you to explain it to yourself, and then reckon with yourself about its worth and how to make it more worthy, or worthy enough for someone else to give a shit.

So, instead of beating myself up for procrastination and making things worse I'm going to just keep sitting here, hoping a major revelation will come out of all this composting of thought about my book. It's happened before. I just shouldn't rush it, even if the two years as a reporter helped me to find the story and just write it by 5, that's not the way novels work.

Comments

[tinyvern.livejournal.com]

I'm so happy you are writing about this. I've been frustrated with my own writing process lately and my ladyfriend helped me put it into perspective. I toil away for days and sometimes weeks trying to write but it's in those spaces that I actually work out the hard stuff. When I start writing you can't stop me but when I get stuck on something I dwell and struggle often producing very little until I break through again. Recognizing your process and giving yourself permission to work through and struggle in that space is powerful. Keep it up!!